What follows was composed late yesterday evening following some delicate meditation and reflection on what had transpired earlier in Massachusetts. For a thoughtful and provocative analysis of what brought about last night's shocking result in the Special Election, please read the accompanying statement from your Grand Minister for General Mayhem.
- The Ministry of General Mayhem's New York Offices
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Coakley you piece of shit! What the fuck!? Who the fuck are you!? Why were you even there, you worthless overpaid provincial hack!?
You sat on your fucking ass and did nothing the whole goddamned race under the erroneous assumption that you'd hop over a pothole that in the end turned out to be a fucking Grand Cayon-sized ravine! But it wasn't always that big now was it? No, no not by a fucking longshot! But you fell into the same trap you and every other goddamned centrist Democrat set for yourselves. Every other half-ass old-ass burnout like yourself who's just killing some time, giving politics a shot, slipping it on and seeing how it feels instead of acknowledging how worthless you are.
Who the fuck was running your piece of shit campaign anyway? Who the fuck!? I mean you wanna bring up the rape pill shit on Brown??? Awesome! Why the fuck did you do it last week!? You could've brought that shit up weeks ago! You could've dropped that out of the fucking gate! You could've made this douchebag Mr. RAPE! Like the first fucking day! What country are you living in!? This is politics 1 0 fucking 1!
Why did she win the primary? WHY!? I've never in my life seen a politician, from either camp, give an "I-just-got-my-ass-handed-to-me" speech who gave less of a shit than Coakley did tonight. There were so many candidates better suited than her in the primary, but she desperately clawed and whined and stamped her feet for it like the spoiled child that she is. And after receiving this bright and shiny bauble she so desperately desired moments before, in the same fashion of said spoilt child, she lost interest in it, cast it away, left it on the ground, neglected it, forgot about it, and before long, while she barely noticed, it was broken, worthless, damaged beyond repair, and ultimately destroyed by a toddler.
This is what happens when rich people are allowed to run this nation.
And so the seat goes to Brown. The seat. Yes, Ted Kennedy's seat, bitch. That's what your sitting your punk ass down in you piece of shit. And if you even gave a fuck about the state you somehow tripped over your dick into representing and the people who inhabit it you'd do well to either read the fuck up on your predecessor or get one of your white sheet-wearing geriatric mutants to permanently teabag you.
I'd like to provide an apt description of Scott Brown to all Mayhemers, right now in print, but I must withdraw. Because I simply have to admit that I really can't do him justice better than this guy does here.
If I were an Massachusetts resident I would tell you exactly how I felt about this arrangement and what led us to it. Seeing as I am in actuality a New Yorker who is privileged to reside in Massachusetts for a brief and precious portion of time annually I will still tell you exactly how I feel about this arrangement and what led us to it.
I am disgusted with how easily Kennedy's name, the proud title of the lion, has fallen from the mouths of the scurrying disease-spreading vermin that have run his dreams for health care reform and his party into the ground. I despise every last one of them who have dubbed this bottom of the barrel shit scraping of a bill as having anything in any way to do with him and what he hoped to accomplish. The furious anger I cast at each of them has so been cast by countless Massachusetts residents who would have had every intention of voting Demcorat this time around but did not because the Delusional Narcissist Contingent and all its stewards and apologists have failed them for the last time.
And at the same time as expected the Far Right mongrel hordes mischaracterize the people of Massachusetts, whose existence they are only now acknowledging, just as they mischaracterize the people of any location, ethnicity, gender, or background, as they attempt to attribute this to a rejection of health care reform.
Massachusetts is health care reform.
This is a rejection of what health care reform became, the rejection of the corporatist perversion of health care reform brought on by the countless concessions approved by the high ranking DNC pimps who appeased whore after whore after whore. And now, thanks to the Democrats' insolence, we now have 41 Joe Liebermans to contend with. What was once a powerless team of gimps strapped down in the basements of Congress is now a raging torrent of vibrator wielding dominatrices set to eviscerate all our rectums with curling irons.
My most honorable compatriots of the most distinguished commonwealth of Massachusetts, there is no sugar coating the situation, there is no way around acknowledging what has come to pass, you have handed your state over to a fucking savage. And in so doing you have demonstrated the political paradox that has always been a reality for all American progressive leftists, but especially in our day and age.
The Democratic Party did not deserve your vote. They deserve to lose, They deserve to be run out of power and driven into obscurity. They deserve everything that they get now.
But none of you, no one, anywhere in that great state, deserved a Republican.
And neither did we.
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Jared W. Adams
Grand Minister for General Mayhem
New York, NY
January the 20th 2009
12:09 AM EST